我的心声 （英文译文在后面） 高智晟 朗朗乾坤下，诺大的自由文明世界，中国共产党仍无恶不敢为且无恶不能为，令人惊叹！ 在十三亿同胞中，我们一家人竟是如此的无助。 2007 年9月份前，在中国大地上只有四个人不愿听共产党的话仍坚持公开与我往来。结果，这四个人中，一人长期被警察围困，三人在九月份被绑架遭到野蛮欧打和精神折磨。至2008年，仍不愿听话放弃的胡佳遭到非法关押，黄燕被绑架后与“法轮功”学员关在一起，遭到残酷折磨。而黄燕此后亲眼所见、亲耳所闻的 “法轮功”同胞所遭受的酷刑更加骇人听闻。在酷刑威慑下的今天，中国已无一人再敢公开与我往来。 现在，我要发出点声音不仅是异常困难，而且十分危险。当局在三年多的时间里，投入大量的人力、物力、财力，以最残酷的手段，来达到阻止我发出声音的目的。以致于我去年11月份出来后到外地，连住宾馆都有警察在同一个房间贴身监视。他们实际上成功地达到了此目的，把我变成了一个仅能行走的废物。我常与妻子戏称：“世界上六十亿同类一起生活在同一个地球村，我们家却与世隔绝。”外界朋友们可能会觉得我们一家苦不堪言，其实最苦的是我妻子耿和。我生性乐观，又是信主的人，即便被酷刑折磨得死去活来时，痛苦亦仅止于皮肉。装着神的心里确实满满实实地没有接纳痛苦的心理空间。我和两个孩子经常大声歌唱，耿和却从不参加，我的各种努力都不能使妻子摆脱苦楚。 耿和的苦楚源于女儿格格的不能去上学。自从孩子不能上学后，我也绝望过一阵子，感到没有任何一件事比之更加令我痛心，我在震惊和愤怒中不断地对当局抗议。耿和为此精神几近崩溃。 借此，我亦特别呼吁恳请，那些在大陆尚有点自由的朋友们，持续关注郭飞雄，并帮助他的妻子和孩子。在今天中共鹰犬遍地之时，民族精神陷入罕见的停滞状态之地，我们需要郭飞雄这样为民抗争的勇士。郭飞雄、胡佳、杨天水、陈光诚、许万平、王炳章、郭泉们这些以生命捍卫自由信仰的勇士才是中国的希望。今天帮助他们及他们的亲人可以使我们这个多难的民族在将来回顾这段历史时，给我们的子孙少留下一点耻笑。 在现金的中国，人们普遍心知肚明的是，生活在善意和道德中已经十分困难。胡佳的命运进一步揭示了这个严酷的社会现实：做一个道德高尚的人不但困难而且危险。善恶有报这个人类古老的传统观念在今天中共党文化充斥的现实生活中遭到致命毁坏。在传统的中国社会，对道德和善良的维护随处可见，而今日中国，对道德和善良的维护早被一扫而空、连根拨除，中共国家政权成为不道德和恶的典型象征和代表。 今天中国所有所谓的经济奇迹，无不以“致命毁坏”为代价。人们为之雀跃的只是表面繁荣的畸形经济发展，而对环境遭如此恶劣的破坏却视而不见，对迄今近70% 的中国人长期被置于任何社会保障之外的非人道现实也视而不见。今天的中国，传统的水乡没水喝，传统的奶乡无奶喝，农民不吃自己产的粮，食品制造者不吃自己制造的食品，这些早已是普遍现象。掩耳盗铃，指鹿为马，丑化美，美化丑成了社会风靡的时尚，而在这一切当中，中共政权这个不诚实、不道德的坏榜样的身影无所不在。 这个无良政府利用它制定的恶法扬恶抑善，致使恶人当道。在竞争中，谁有权力谁就能胜出，谁不讲道德谁也能胜出，强大的权贵集团则这样形成。司法不公，恶警当道更使人们对在不公正改革中形成的权力集团充满了仇恨和鄙视。各地迭连发生的暴力抗争事件，敲响了这个民族再一次被迫进入暴力循环的不详的钟声。 今天的中国社会，民情颓靡，整个社会并不仅仅是一些人的严重腐化，而是大多数人的普遍堕落。一场让当政者沾沾自喜的奥运会，把极权政治和文化强加之在“体育盛会之中”，用专制精神置换奥运精神。奥运会千人一面的专制文化恰到好处地大肆渲染了所谓的和平崛起形像，在这样的过程中，强权摆弄下的歌舞狂欢掩盖了底层民众的悲惨呼号，掩盖了中共践踏人权的恶行。我在新疆方得知：今年奥运火炬在大陆的传递所到之处，路边欢乐的人群都是当局组织的。还由机关单位把警告口头传达至火炬沿途的每个家庭、每个人，即：“任何人不得打开窗户、不得举标语喊口号，否则，满街的阻击手将果断处置，一切后果自负”。轰轰烈烈的背后是人们看不到的虚假安排，表面欢呼及和谐的背后是赤裸裸武力恫吓。中共就是这样操纵本国人民轰轰烈烈地排斥一切不同的声音，把中共的虚假景观拓展至全世界面前。 权力集团中的大部分人也都清楚地看到，中共制造的这些虚假景观都无法挽救专制必亡的颓势。轰轰烈烈的宣传一过，贪官恶警们的恶行依旧，中国各地的抗争依然峰起。 借此，我谨向海外真诚关心中国命运的华人朋友们致谢。呼吁更多的海外华人关心并致力于和平推进民主宪政；呼吁海外民运、信仰团体及其争取权益的团体团结起来，坚定致力于中国的民主和平转型；呼吁设立人权工作委员会，为每一位人权受害者去控诉。中国的人权受害者多如牛毛，尽量把能搜集到的每一个人权迫害案件呈送联合国人权委员会及其它国家的人权部门，并定期公告。建议创办“人权报”，每日披露人权侵害案例及施害者的姓名及名称，把堆积如山的中国的人权灾难真实展现在全世界眼前。委员会应下设各省及城市工作组，以搜集及声援人权案件为主。另可设立若干专门工作组，诸如：宗教信仰工作组、上访问题工作组、失地农民工作组，六四问题工作组等。将国内人权具体受害者的问题纳入具体行动中才是真正民主宪政的价值之源。 在此亦建议人们在行动上，联合所有华人反专制力量，包括联合一切致力于寻求民族自治的团体。并通过广播网等形式将未来中国联省（邦）自治对国家和人民的益处广而告之，诸如联省自治使少数民族自治自然水到渠成地实现。也要实现未来中国之对所有公民的包括医疗、养老等方面具体的普遍的福利制度；实现独立的司法；实现未来政府对所有受专制迫害的具体受害人每年以一定的财政比例予国家赔偿的承诺；追究共产党首恶的刑事责任等，要效《九评》传播之法，传播我们的这些理念，促使国人的觉醒。 在此，我亦特别呼吁，海内外所有力量团结起来，尽一切力量营救郭泉和刘晓波先生。刘晓波的被捕暴露了当局的无耻嘴脸。 在此，我还要忍不住给中国的民运维权领域喊喊话，现在相当多的民运及维权人士已变得不再是行动者，而是沽名钓誉的民运投机者。他们对我们民族灾难史上最惊天骇地的中共政权对法轮功的迫害睁眼不见，充耳不闻。我公开为法轮功信仰群体呼吁后，私下接触者皆说我激进。这种“共识”惯坏了当下中国的最恶的恶种，给被迫害的同胞雪上加霜。我发起的绝食抗暴行动和平且合法，这些沽名钓誉的民运投机者不但不支持，还几乎在同时四面扑来软硬兼施的指责。他们中的一些写手文人们，更是打着“义旗”从背后杀将过来，在我身陷囹圄时还不停止，让人扼腕叹息。为什么要这样？！我说话的机会不多，今天必须点明这点——这是阴暗人性使然，是自私人性使然！停下来吧！无论你捏拿得多么炉火纯青，也是枉然。在酷刑后我说出这苦楚的真实心声，虽很逆耳，但绝非激愤之言。 今天，中共在全世界的“好朋友”、“好伙伴”们，他们对中国共产党这个当代人类最黑暗政权维护者的反文明现实大都心知肚明。但是这些中共的“好朋友”、“好伙伴”们却因为利益而成为泛黑暗政治的一部分。还有一些中共的“好朋友”、“好伙伴”们则是被共产党精致的欺骗所迷惑，他们完全不了解共产极权的邪恶本质，他们甚至为他们所看到的虚假东西唱赞歌。 最后感谢那些真正关心中国人权事业的外国朋友们，感谢斯考特先生、诺瓦克先生、加拿大的两位大卫先生及欧洲议会的先生和女士们，你们给以我们无私的道义支持，你们的支持是我们为自由民主而抗争的希望所在。 这篇文字将使我再次遭绑架，遭绑架已成为我的生活常态，如果它要再一次来临，就让它来吧！ 高智晟2009年1月1日完稿 Speaking from My Heart By Gao Zhisheng Under Heaven's watchful eye, and amidst the vast free and civilized world, there is no evil that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) would shy away from or is incapable of. It is truly shocking! Even though China possesses 1.3 billion fellow citizens, my family, bereft of support, can be so very helpless! Before September 2007, there were only four people in China who refused to follow the Chinese Communist Party and persisted in being friends with me openly. As a result, one of them is continually followed by police; the other three were kidnapped in September and suffered brutal beatings and mental torture. In 2008, Hu Jia, who continued to refuse to follow the orders of the CCP, was held in prison. Huang Yan was kidnapped and kept in prison with Falun Gong practitioners where she suffered cruel torture. In addition, Huang heard and witnessed that the torture Falun Gong adherents had suffered was even more terrifying. Under the intimidation of torture, no one dares to communicate with me openly in today's China. It is now extremely difficult for me to make my voice heard. Moreover, I am constantly in a situation of peril. Since more than three years, the authorities invested a large amount of manpower, money, as well as employed the most merciless methods, to achieve their goal to silence me. In November last year when I lived in a hotel, police shared the same room with me, stifling every morsel of personal freedom. They have actually achieved their purpose of turning me into an alive but pitiful human being. I often tell my wife Geng jokingly: “Six billion people live together on our global village, but our family is severed from the rest of the world.” Outsiders may feel that my family is leading an extremely miserable life. As a matter of fact, my wife is the one who has suffered the most. I am optimistic in nature, and I believe in the Creator. Even when I was tortured to near-death, the pain was only in the physical body. A heart that is filled with God has no room to entertain pain and suffering. I often sing along loudly with my two children, but my wife never joins us. Despite all my efforts, she still feels miserable in her heart. The root of her suffering comes from the fact that our daughter Gege cannot go to school. Since she was forbidden to go to school, I was also in despair for a while. There is nothing more traumatizing than this. Shocked and outraged, I continuously protest to the authorities. My wife Geng is on the brink of a mental breakdown over this matter. I'd like to take this opportunity to appeal to those friends who still enjoy a certain measure of freedom to continue to show your concern for Guo Feixiong, and to help his wife and children. When the CCP's hired thugs are everywhere on China's soil, when our nation's spirit falls into an impasse, we need heroes like Guo who fight for the people. These courageous heroes, Guo Feixiong, Hu Jia, Yang Tianshui, Chen Guangcheng, Xu Wanping, Wang Bingzhang and Guo Quan, who sacrifice and risk their lives to defend China's freedom and belief, are the true hope of China. If we offer more help to them and their loved ones today, our children and grandchildren will not feel ashamed of us when looking back in this chapter of history. In today's China, we know in our hearts that kindness and moral values are getting harder to find. Hu Jia's experience further demonstrated a harsh reality - it is not only difficult but also dangerous to be a morally righteous person. Since ancient times, people have long believed that kindness will be repaid with kindness, and evil will be repaid with evil. However, this belief has been devastated in today's China where the Communist Party culture has infiltrated into every order of society.
In the old days when tradition was maintained, people cherished and protected virtues and kindness. However, in today's China, the upholding of moral values and goodness has been uprooted. The Chinese communist regime has become synonymous for immorality and evil. The so-called economic miracle in China was merely built upon deadly destruction to the environment. While people rejoice at the distorted economic development that results in China's superficial prosperity, they turn a blind eye to the horrific damages to the environment in China, and to the cruel reality that 70 percent of the Chinese population have been deprived of social rights. In today's China, people in villages with water resources are afraid of drinking their own water, those in milk farms are afraid of drinking their own milk, farmers are afraid of eating their own harvests, and food manufacturers are afraid of eating their own food products. It is the overwhelming reality. People pretend not to see the reality and deny the truth. It has become a trend in China to dismiss beauty and worship ugliness. Meanwhile, the Chinese Communist Party sets a bad example and is the source of all the problems in China.The depraved government of China makes regulations to suppress the good and encourage the bad, causing bad people to become rampant in China. Those with power will always prevail in competition. Those without morals, too, will prevail. Mogul groups were formed by such people. The corrupted justice system in China has further instigated hatred and loathing against the powerful groups that have risen from the unjust economic reforms. Protests and violence took place all over China, leading China into yet another cycle of violence. Today's China is a corrupted society. It is not corrupted by a selected few. Instead, the majority of the Chinese population is corrupted. While the CCP took great pride in hosting the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, the Games allowed the regime to enforce its totalitarian rule upon this grand sports event. The CCP replaced the Olympic spirit with its totalitarianism. The North Korean style programs at the Olympic opening and ending ceremonies embodied the authoritarian culture including depiction of China's “peaceful rise.” The songs and dances at the Games covered up the cries for help from people at the bottom of the Chinese society and the CCP's human rights violations. I learned when I was in Xinjiang that the crowds that cheered for the Olympic torch relays along the streets were hired by the Chinese authorities. In fact, each and every family along the path of the Olympic torch relays had been warned: No one is to open his window or door. No one is to raise any banner or shout slogans. Otherwise, they will be shot by the snipers on the streets. The outside world never knew that behind the cheers for the Olympic torch relay lay CCP's violence and threats. This is how the CCP controls the people and suppresses the different voices of the Chinese people in order to present a false image of China to the world.Some of the power players in China must have realized that all the false impressions the CCP has made will not save it from its doom. The CCP's costly propaganda has neither stopped the corruption of Chinese officials and police nor reduced the protests all over China.I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere gratitude towards those Chinese people in and outside of China who have been concerned about China's future. I would like to urge more overseas Chinese people to work together for a democratic China. I would like to urge democratic and religious groups to work together and persevere in advocating for a peaceful transformation of China into a democratic state. I would like to suggest establishing a human rights committee that represents each and every victim of China's human rights violations. After all, there are more such victims in China than one could ever count. The reported cases should be presented to the human rights committee at the UN and countries around the world. I would also recommend founding a Human Rights newspaper dedicated to reporting human rights violations daily and the victims' names and cities so that the large litany of human rights violations will be publicized before the world. The proposed human rights committee should have branches in different provinces and cities in China so that they can collect reports of human rights violations in China. The committee can have different work groups for violations against religious freedom, suppression against people appealing for their rights, farmers who were deprived of their lands, and people persecuted for their involvement in the democratic protest in Beijing in 1989 that ended up in the June 4th student massacre. The value of democratic rule is to be able to take action for those who suffer from human rights violations.I propose that for people who are will take action, unite all Chinese who are against totalitarian rule, including ethnic groups seeking autonomy. Also, utilize broadcast networks to tell the citizens about the benefits of a federal autonomous union of provinces. Let them know it will naturally lead to the realization of autonomy for ethnic groups. The new system also needs to develop medical, pensions and other general social security for the future China; develop an independent judicial system; develop a promise of annual compensation for the victims of dictators' persecutions; investigate the crimes committed by those heading the Communist Party. We need to effectively spread our thoughts similar to the way the doctrines of the Nine Commentaries were disseminated, and promote people's awareness.Also, I specially call for groups inside and outside of China, to make every effort to rescue Guo Quan and Liu Xiaobo. The arrest of Liu Xiaobo reveals the shamelessness of the current regime.Also, I cannot help but appeal to Chinese democratic and human rights activists. Currently many of the democratic and human rights figures are no longer virtuous advocates for change; they have become fame-chasing opportunists. They turn a blind eye to the persecution of Falun Gong, by the Chinese Communist regime, as if it doesn't exist, but which is the most horrifying and cruel persecution in the history of China's disasters. After I publicly spoke out for Falun Gong practitioners, those who contacted me in private called me radical. This kind of “consensus” view nourished the greatest evil deeds ever committed in China, and made the persecutions of their countrymen even worse. The anti-violence hunger strike I started was peaceful and within the law, but those fame-chasing democratic activists, instead of showing any support, rallied together to scold me. The writers among them even invoked the name of justice to attack me. They didn't stop even after I was behind bars, this really makes me sigh with regret. Why did they do this? A chance for me to speak does not happen very often, but today I must make this clear: Those are actions by the dark side of human nature! Their selfish nature! Cease at once! No matter how skillful you can articulate your shameless views, it's all in vain. After suffering the torture, I speak out of my true voice of pain. While not pleasant to hear, it definitely is not the voice of anger.Today, for those CCP's collaborators in the world, they should all know the fact that the CCP is today's darkest regime, possessing an anti-civilization nature. However, many of these connivers of the CCP became part of the dark politics in search of their material interests. Other collaborators of the CCP are deceived by CCP's intricate lies, and don't understand the evil nature of the CCP, and even sing praises to its false claims and fakery. Finally I would like to thank those friends outside the country who truly care about human rights in China. Thanks to Scott, Norwalk, the two Davids in Canada, and the ladies and gentlemen of the European Union! You gave us your selfless moral support, and our hope in fighting for freedom and human rights. The publication of this article will cause me to be kidnapped again. Kidnaps are part of my normal living now. If it comes again, then let it come!Gao Zhisheng, Jan. 1, 2009
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黑夜、黑头套、黑帮绑架高智晟 我费尽周章终会面世的文字，将撕去今日中国许多东西的人相，露出“执政者”那超乎常人想像的心肠本色。当然，这些文字亦势将给今天共产党在全世界的那些“好朋友”、“好伙伴”带来些许不快、甚而至于难为情＿＿这些“好朋友”、“好伙伴”们内心对道德及人类良知价值还存有些敬畏的话。 今天，暴富起来的共产党，不仅在全球有了越来越多的“好朋友”、“好伙伴；”而且把“中国是一个法治国家”这种颠倒黑白的口号喊得气壮如牛。对中华民族人权进步事业而言，之两者无一不是灾难性的。 2007 年9月21日夜20点左右，当局口头通知说让我去接受例行的改造思想谈话。行在路上，我发现较往常比有了些异样，平时贴身跟踪的秘密警察们拉开了较远的距离。行至一拐角处时，迎面扑来六、七名陌生人。我的背后脖胫处被猛然一击，眼前感到整个地面飞速向我砸来，但我并未昏迷。接下来，感到有人纠起我的头发，迅速套上了黑头套，被架上了一辆凭感觉是两侧面对面置有座椅而中间无椅的车上。我被压迫爬在中间，右侧脸着地，感到有一只大皮鞋猛然踩压在我的脸上。多只手开始在我身上忙禄，由于他们对我一家的绑架频繁，故而照例在我身上未搜得对他们有价值的东西。但我感觉到了此次与以往绑架的不同。绑架者抽下了我的皮带将我反绑，我爬在车中间，估计着有不低于四个人的脚踏在我的身上。大约四十分钟左右，我被拖下了车站立着，裤子已掉至脚脖上的我被推搡着进了一间房屋，此前一直没有任何说话的声音。 我的头套猛然间被人扯下，眼前一亮的同时，辱骂和击打开始了。“高智晟，我操你妈的，你丫的今天死期到啦，哥几个，先给丫的来点狠的，往死里揍丫的”，一个头目咬呀切齿吼叫道。这时，四个人手执电警棍在我头上、身上猛力击打，房间里只剩下击打声和紧张的喘气声。我被打的爬在地上，浑身抖动不止。“别他妈让丫的歇了”，王姓头目吼道（后来得知之姓王）。这时，一名个头一米九以上的大汉抓住头发将我纠起，王姓头目扑过来疯狂抽打我的脸部，“操你妈，高智晟，你丫的也配他妈穿一身黑衣服，你丫是老大呀，给丫的扒了”。我迅速被撕的一丝不剩。“让丫的跪下”，随着王姓头目的一声吼叫，后小腿被人猛击两下，我被打扑跪在地上。大个子继续纠住我的头发迫逼我抬头看着他们的头目。这时，我看到房子里一共有五人，四人手持电警棍，一人手持我的腰带。“你丫的听着，今天几位大爷不要别的，就要你生不如死，高智晟我也实话告诉你，现在已不再是你和政府之间的事啦，现在他妈的已经完全变成个人之间的事啦，你丫的低头看一看，现在地上可一滴水都没有，呆会地上的水就会没脚脖，你他妈一会就会明白这水从那里来”。王姓头目在说这些话的时候开始电击我的脸部和上身。“来，给他丫的上第二道菜”，王头目话落，四支电警棍开始电击我，我感到所击之处，五脏六腑、浑身肌肉像自顾躲避似的在皮下急速跳躲。我痛苦的满地打滚，当王姓头目开始电击我的生殖器时，我向他求饶过。我的求饶换来的是一片大笑和更加疯狂的折磨。王姓头目四次电击我的生殖器，一边电击，一边狂叫不止。数小时后，我不再有求饶的力量，也不再有力量躲避，但我的头脑异常的清醒。我感到在电击时我的身体抖动的非常剧烈，清楚地感到抖动的四肢溅起的水花。这是我在几小时里流出的汗水，我这时才明白“呆会地上的水就会没脚脖”之意。 这种深更半夜折磨人的活计对折磨者似乎也不轻松。天快亮时，他们有三人离开房间。“给丫的上下一道菜，呆会来换你们哥俩”。王姓头目示意留下的俩人将一把椅子搬至房中间，将我架起来坐在上面，这时，其中一人嘴里刁上了五支烟，用火点着后猛吸几口，另一人站在后面用力抓住我的头发，压迫我低下了头，另一人开始用那五支烟熏我的鼻子和眼晴，这样反复多次。他们做的很认真，也很有耐心。待到后来，我除了能偶然感到泪水流下来滴在大腿上的感觉外，已完全不再在乎眼前这俩个人的忙碌和我有什么联系。过了约两小时左右，进来两人换下辛苦用烟熏我的那俩位。我的眼睛肿胀得什么也看不清。新进来者开口说话了：“高智晟，耳朵现在还能听到吧？算你点背，这帮人都是长年打黑除恶的，出手狠着呢。这是这次上面专门精心给你挑选的，我是谁你听出来了没有？我姓江（音），你去年刚出来时跟你去过新疆”。“是山东篷莱的那位吗？”我说。“对，你记忆不错，我说过，你早晚还要进来，上次去新疆我看你那个样子，我就知道你再次进来是早晚的事，你看你在警察跟前目空一切的德性，不让你再进来长点记性能行吗？给美国国会写信，你看你那一付汉奸德性，美国主子能给你什么？美国国会算个刁。这是在中国，这是共产党的天下，你算个屁，要你的命还不像踩死只蚂蚁一样？不明白这点还出来混，你要敢再写那些狗屁文章，政府就得表明个态度，这一晚上你该明白了吧”？江不紧不慢地说。“你们这样用黑帮手段残忍地对待一个纳税人，今后有何颜面面对十几亿国人”？我问他。“你就是个挨打的东西，你心里比谁都明白，在中国纳税人算个狗屁，别他妈口口声声纳税人纳税人的”，江正说着，这时又有人走进来的声音。“甭他妈的跟他练嘴，给丫的来实在的”，我听出来者是王姓头目。“高智晟，你这几位大爷给你准备了‘十二道菜’，昨晚才给你伺候了三道，大爷我就不爱罗嗦，后面还要让你丫的吃屎喝尿，还要拿签子捅丫的“灯”（后来才明白是指生殖器）。你丫的不是说共产党用酷刑吗，这回让你丫的全见识一遍。对法轮功酷刑折磨，不错，一点都不假，我们对付你的这十二套就从法轮功那儿练过来的，实话给你说，爷我也不怕你再写，你能活着出去的可能性没有啦！把你弄死，让你丫的尸体都找不着。我他妈想起来气就不打一处来，你一个臭外地人，你丫的在北京涨狂什么呀，哥几个再他妈练丫的”。在接下来几个小时的折磨中，我出现了断断续续的昏迷，这种昏迷可能与长时间的出汗缺水及饥饿有关。我光着身子躺在冰冷的地板上，神志像过山车一样起伏不断。中间感到数次有人剥开我的眼皮用光晃我的眼睛，像是在检查我是否还活着。每至清醒时，我闻到的全是尿臭味。我的脸上、鼻孔里、头发里，全是尿水。显然，不知何时，有人在我头上、脸上撒了尿。这样的折磨持续到第三天下午时，我至今不知当时那里来的巨大力量，我怎挣脱他们，一边大喊天昱和格格的名字，一边猛地撞向桌子。我当时大叫孩子名字的声音今天回想起来都感到毛骨悚然，那喊声极其凄远及陌生。但自杀未能成功。感谢全能的上帝，是他救了我，我真切地感到是神拖住了我。我的眼睛撞得流血不止，我倒在地上，至少有三个人坐在我的身上，其中一人坐在我的脸上。他们大笑不止，说我拿死来吓唬他们是提着耗子吓唬猫，这样的事他们见得太多啦。他们一直继续残忍地折磨我到天黑，我的眼睛什么也看不见。我能听得出，折磨我的人轮换着吃完饭后聚齐。其中一人走至我面前抓住头发将我纠站起来问：“高智晟，饿不饿？丫的说实话”。答曰：“饿得快要不行啦”。“想不想吃饭！得说实话”，之又问。我又答曰“想吃”。话落，不低于十几个耳光的一阵巴掌打得我一头栽倒在地。有一只脚踩在我的胸上，我的下巴被电警棍猛击一下，打得我疼得大叫。这时，有一根电警棍塞到我的嘴里，骂声也一同而至：“你丫的头发怎么这么不经纠？看看丫的这张嘴和别人有什么不一样的，还不是要吃饭吗？饿，丫的配吗？”但电警棍塞进嘴里后并没有用电击我。正不知所故，王姓头目发话：“高智晟，知道为什么没废掉丫的嘴吗？今晚上几位大爷得让你说上一晚上。甭跟大爷们扯别的，就说你搞女人的事。说没有不行，说少了不行，说的不详细也不行，说得越详细越好，几位大爷就好这个。大爷们吃饱喝足了，白天也睡够了，你就开始讲吧”。“操你妈，你丫的怎么不说呀，丫的欠揍，哥几个上，王头目大叫”。大约三支电警棍开始电击我，我毫无尊严地满地打滚。十几分钟后，我浑身痉挛抖动得无法停下来。我的确求了饶：“不是不说，是没有”，我的声音变得很吓人。“哥几个，怎么搞得呀，伺候了几天怎么把丫的伺候傻了？给丫的捅捅‘灯’（生殖器），看丫的说不说”。接着，我被架着跪在地上，他们用牙签捅我的生殖器。我至今无法用语言述清当时无助的痛苦与绝望。在那里，人的的语言，人类的感情没有了丝毫力量。最后我编了先后与四名女子“私通”，并在一次一次的折磨中“详细”描述了与这些女人“发生性关系”的过程。直到无亮，我被抓着手在这样的笔录上签了名，按了手印。“半年内让丫的变成臭狗屎。这事整出去，你身边的那些人会像饿狗碰了一嘴新鲜屎一样高兴的”王头目大声说。（我出来后得知，就在第二天，孙＊处长即把他们“掌握的”我乱搞男女关系“实情”告诉了我的妻子,耿和告诉之:其一,在给高智晟的为人下结论方面自己不需要政府帮助;其二,若过去纵有其事,在自己眼里,他实在还是那个写三封公开信的高智晟）。经这次折磨后，我几乎时常处在没有知觉的状态中，更多的是没有了时间知觉。不知过了多久，一群人正准备再次施刑时，突然进来人大声喝斥了他们，让他们都滚出去。我能听得出，来者是市局的一位副局长，此前我多次见过之。至少在我认知的层面上对之有好感，人较为开明、直率，对我和我全家有过一些保护。当时我的眼睛不能睁开，但我整个人已体无完肤，面目全非。听得出他也很愤怒，找了医生给我作了检查，说他也很震惊，但说这绝不代表党和政府的意思。我问他谁的意思能如此无法无天，之无以对。期间，我要求送我进监狱，或送我回家，他没有作答。最后他将折磨我的人叫进来声斥了一阵，命他们给我卖衣服穿，晚上必须给我提供被子，必须给我饭吃。并答应尽全力为我去争取或回家，或进监狱。这位局长一离开，王姓头目对我破口大骂：“高智晟，你他妈现在还在作梦想进监狱，美死你，今后你再甭想进监狱，只要共产党还在，你就再也没有进监狱的机会，什么时候也别想”。当天晚上，我又被套上黑头套昏沉沉地被架到另一个不知名的地方，在那里又被他们无休止地折磨了十几天后。有一天，我突然又被套上黑头套后，被人架着按着头九十度弯腰跑步至一辆车上。上了车，我的头被人按低至我的裆部，路上一个多小时，真至生不如死的痛苦境地。到了地方后约一小时才取下黑头套。对我实施肉体折磨的五人中不见了四人，换来的是出狱后贴身监督我“改造”的那群秘密警察。对我肉体的折磨至此而止，而精神折磨一直持续。我被告知要开“十七大”了，在这里等候上面的处里意见。期间一些官员时有来访，变得温和了许些，也开始允许我洗脸刷牙了。亦有官员提出能否用我的写作技术“骂骂法轮功，价钱随你开口，知道你有这能力”。我明确告诉来者， “之不只是一个纯技术问题，之是一个困难的伦理问题。”到后来一看没有动静，又来说“写法轮功的文章困难的话，也可以表扬表扬政府嘛，多少钱都不成问题。”最后是“写点东西说你出狱后政府对你全家很好，是受了法轮功和胡佳等人的蛊惑才一时糊涂写了给美国国会的公开信的，要不然，这什么时候是个尽头。你就不能可怜可怜你的妻子、孩子吗？后来作为交换，我写了一份说政府对我全家关心倍至，是受了法轮功和胡佳的蛊惑我才写给美国国会公开信的材料。回家前，我又被带到西安给胡佳打了一次电话。 大约是中秋节夜里，此前因耿和的以自杀抗争，当局让我打了一次劝慰电话。通话内容都是由当局设计好的（我回来后得知，耿和所说的内容也是设计好的）。当局还录了相（当时我还有一只眼睛无法睁开，录相中逼我说是自伤的）。十一月中旬回到家得知，家中部分财产再次被抄，这次抄家连一个字的纸条都没有。 我在这五十多天里遭遇到的肉体及精神折磨所谓骇人听闻。期间有过许多奇异的感觉，诸如：有时候能真真切切地听到死，有时又能真真切切地听到生。到第十二、三天后我完全睁开眼时，我发现全身的外表变得很可怕，周身没有一点正常的皮肤。皮肤完全呈重度乌黑色。被绑架期间，我每天“吃饭”的经历，定会让那些在纸上操英雄主义枪法的义士们大跌眼球。每至饿致眼冒金星时，他们会拿出馒头来.每唱一遍《共产党好》、《社会主义好》、《没有共产党就没有新中国》，即可得一个馒头。我当时的心理底线是除非万不得已即设法活下去。死对我的妻子和两个孩子太过于残酷，但绝不脏污灵魄。在那样野蛮的氛围里，人性，人的尊严是毫无力量的。如果你不唱，你不但会被饥饿折磨，而且他们会无休止地折磨你。但当他们用同样的手段逼我写批法轮功的文字时，即未能如他们所愿。但以这种方法让我在写有这次政府没有绑架我，也没有酷刑折磨我，政府一直对全家关爱倍至的笔录上签名时，我是作了妥胁的。 | 
TimNew
TimNew
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